"The Ham Chronicles" recorded here!

Shivans, space crack and the SCP.

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"The Ham Chronicles" recorded here!

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 7:23 pm

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Kon
Posts: 1515
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:56 pm
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This topic is an attempt by me to record the epic Ham Chronicles here on the SSX forums, as to ensure that they remain on record for many ages to come.

As of right now, I have only the first two pages. Anyone who may be in possesion of further Ham Chronicle writtings may send them to me in a file, link, or PM. Enjoy! :lol: :thumb:
Last edited by Kon on Sun Sep 24, 2006 12:14 am, edited 3 times in total.
"We are the facilitators of our own creative evolution."

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:31 pm

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Kon
Posts: 1515
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:56 pm
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Topic: MmMmMmM, Ham

SSC-Ambush


Long Time no see all.
I'm Back finnaly got the internet and my house is (mostly) unpacked :D. And i'm back to frag some shivans (and some terrans if i get annoyed hehe [can't spell])
so whats all the major stuff????
well gotta go.
Laterz
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SSC Fahd


Wahoo !!! The man who know ham better than anyone else is back :D Happy fragging Ambush :)
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SSC-Bainkour


i could go for some of that ham.
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SSC-Ambush


Here Have some ham

::SSC-Ambush gives Fahd and Bainkour big pieces of his finest ham::
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SSC Fahd


hehe though its late thanks for the Christmas present. You know I could market this stuff and make a fortune :D
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SSC-Indigo


Dang it, where's Godo when you need 'em. Now we have to have someone else be the cheese...

::pulls up a chair and slips a cigar into Fahd's pocket:: Business Partners!
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SSC Fahd


hehe OK Ambush just sign on the dotted line below and we'll take care of the rest:


....................................

(oh and btw you can't see the contract cause I'll type that in above the line after you've signed it :D )
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SSC-Ambush

I ain't Crazy!!!!
Ambush Mind: Sure You Are
I wasn't talkin to u was I!
Ambush Mind: If yer talkin to me yer crazy
SHUD UP!!!
Ambush Mind: La La La, You Damn Crazy Loon!
Don't make me beat you!
Ambush Mind: :P

Okay, I'll sign, I've errrr you've convinced me
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SSC Fahd


Ambush you've made the right decision, hey we'll even throw in a couple of vouchers for a free visit to your local Physiatrist if you ever feel your mind's taking over your body :D

Hey Indigo show Ambush where he'll be working :) I'll get Godo to sign later, or find a replacement.

:: Enter SSC-Indigo ::
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SSC-Indigo


::cracks knuckles:: Ahem! Ohhhh Ambushy!

::evil laugh::
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SSC-Ambush


Noooo
let me go, I can't go!!!
My Ham Needs Me
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JAD-Jabberwocky


And you think I'm strange! :)

Ever thought about a Ham appreciation society!

Wow you could even take the bite (grins) and go for a ham Division. A stunning base for the SSC's first point and click adventure

"Ambush and friends and the evil Hamburger"
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SSC Fahd


To Jabberwocky:

You haven't lived if you haven't tasted Ambush's ham yet.

To Ambush:

::Continue Evil Laughter::

You can't leave Ambush, notice the clause in the contract you signed :)

The person who signs this contract agrees that they will work for the following 20 years with their employers and will not leave their job under any circumstances.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:34 pm

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Kon
Posts: 1515
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:56 pm
Location: USA
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SSC-Ambush


NOOOOOOOOOO
MY HAM!!!!
The Hamcifer is on Self Destruct With All MY Ham Orbiting The Terran Home world, what you call EARTH!!!
Let me go or I'll blow it up with all my ham and the Earth will go with it
MuHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa
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SSC-Indigo


Too late! I've set up an AuGrautin Potato and Cheese Mesh around Earth, all you can do is add Ham Flavoring now!!!
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SSC-Renegade_R


NOOOOO!!!
MY HOMEWORLD!!!
AND ALL THAT EXPENSIVE AND RARE HAM IS GOING TO WASTE!!!
Oh what is this all coming to, we must save the Hamcifer!!
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SSC-Ambush


Nooooooooooooo
How am I gonna get out now, Haminators be Kamakzi fighters and flavor up the mashed potato and get me outta here
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SSC-Renegade_R


and Indigo, you didn't have to soak our home world in cheese and potatoes...
How am I going to get to the supermarket to get some more ham?
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SSC-Indigo


Did I ever say I soaked our home world? Sheesh, no! Read the post again!! It's a SHIELD! If it's drippin down in your neighborhood, I'll have my Cooks get up there and fix it.
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SSC-Renegade_R


Good, we can all have a barbecue with all the ham, cheese etc.
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JAD-Jabberwocky


Anyone else feel hungry?
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SSC-Fenavian


I am just posting to get the "total posts" number off 1666 :)
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SSC Fahd


Hey Ambush bombing Earth with your Hamicifer will only aid our sales :) 'cause when your Ham comes along (if it breaks through the Shield) it will smack it to the ground somewhere and everyone gets free Ham :)
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SSC-Ambush


Noooooo, Give Me Baack my ham u stupid Terrans, only few ppl can taste my ham.
::Incomming Transmission To Fahd & Indigo From The Hamcifer::
Good Evening Captain Fahd, Captain Indigo, I Will make a trade with you. The Commanding Officer Of the Hamcifer SSC-Ambush, for Ham. And If You Not Comply You Will Probably Start ANOTHER TV War.
Fare Well Gentlemen.
::Transmmission Closed::
HeHeHeHe
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SSC-Indigo


::Indigo sits on his mighty Warship, brings his Beam Cannons to bear. (all 15 of 'em) Plasma Core Insertion is complete. He opens a channel to the Ambush::

"Your appeal sounds tasty, what assurances do we have?"
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SSC Fahd


Ahhh SSC-Ambush we meet again; but perhaps under more favorable circumstances

:: Three SJ Sathanases come out from behind the moon ::

WE want the Ham and your recipe for how you make it taste so good.
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SSC-Ambush


OH CR@P,
Send A Transmission to The Command Ship (Fahd's & Indigo's Ship)
::Incoming Transmission To Fahd & Indigo From The Hamcifer::
Gentlemen, is this how you treat an Ally, I'm Sure You Wouldn't want to start a all out battle between us like our generations before us had? And There is NO WAY IN HELL you are getting my recipe for my wonderful good tasting.... yummy MmMmMmMmM Haaaaaaammmmmm, err AT ALL. Lieutenant go to Yellow Alert. Here's One Rule NEVER TRUST A Terran, err is that thing still on.
::End Of Transmission::
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SSC-Renegade_R


:::Sending Message to the Hamcifer from the GTD Renegade:::

You sure you don't want to give anyone the recipe???

You could make a lot of money from it...

How about we sign a piece treaty between us, we could share the recipe and make a lot of money...

Even if I am a Terran...

:::End Transmission:::
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SSC-Ambush


HmMMmMmMMmMMmmMMmmM
We can share the recipe, but only us 3.
Meet me at the Polaris Jump Node at 1400 hours.
The Hamcifer will meet the GTD Renegade, And Indigo's & Fahd's Command Ship at the Polaris Jump node, Then we will...Discuss the recipe.
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SSC-Renegade_R


Got it...

///////\r
Lieutenant, I want the entire Renegade fleet surrounding the entire Polaris system and jump node...

There are only 3 ships you may let through, the GTD Renegade, the Hamcifer and Indigo and Fahd's Command ship. Vaporize anything else that you might happen to see.
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SSC Fahd


SJ Sathanas's en route to the Polaris system.

Be there in 48 hrs. This had better not be a trick Ambush ;)
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SSC-Indigo


::Indigo Maneuvers the Colossus II into position:: I WANT MY HAM NOW!
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SSC Fahd


Ambush, where are you !!!!!!

:: Charges up lasers ::

I want HAM and I want it NOW :)
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SSC-Indigo


::sniffs:: Something's' wrong Fahd, I smell BACON! HE STIFFED US!
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SSC-Ambush


MuHaHaHaHaHa you fell for it!!!
Now Attack Bacon Bits!!

You Must Be Wondering Where I am?
Well.....
I'm at SOL to gather all your mashed potatos. They taste good with Ham.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:35 pm

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Kon
Posts: 1515
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SSC Fahd


You deceived us!!!!!!!

I'm gonna hunt you and your ship to the ends of the universe .....

From the Bridge of SJ Sathanas: Sir we have a problem.
Me: What kind of a problem?
Bridge: Something is coming towards us and its coming pretty fast.
Me: get me a scan of it.
Bridge: Sir! Its a massive piece of Bacon !!!
Me: NO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Evacuate the decks, get everyone into the pods, were abandoning this vessel.

:: Several hundred pod's come out of the Sathanas's docking bay, a second later the bacon smashes into the Sathanas destroying it ::

:: Other two Sathanas's jump it, pods split into two groups each going to a different juggernaught ::

Me: AMBUSH !!!!!! REVENGE WILL BE MINE :D
Bridge: We're all ready, all survivors are on board.
Me: Set course for SOL I have to stop him
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SSC-Ambush


LoL.

Me: Lieutenant Stats on when Fahd's ships will be here
Lieutenant: In 4 hours sir.
Me: When will be finished dealing with getting all the mashed....
!!!!!!BOOM!!!!!
Me: WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!!!
Lieutenant: I looks like a giant piece of cheese, it came from the dark side of Jupiter.
Me: MY GOD!!! WHO KNEW WE WERE HERE???
Lieutenant: What should we do sir?
Me: Get us Outta here!!
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SSC-Titan


Enter Titan

On board the Hamcifer

Leiut: Sir an incoming message from an unknown source.

Titan: This is Titan of the Aggamemnon Strike fleet, we're here to help.

Ambush: Thats alright Titan were ok.

Titan: Trust me I know what hit you. It was a relic of the McBuffian Empire. I am dispatching interceptors to destroy it now.

Ambush: Thank you Titan, much obliged.

Titan: May I ask a favor? Allow my troops to fight along side you against the evil Fahd.

::Dramatic plot twisting music::

DUN DUN DAHHHHH !!!!

Narrator: Will Ambush ally with Titan and the Aggamemnon Strike Force?
Find out next time same SSC time same SSC channel.
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SSC-Renegade_R


I'm still here you know, I survived that battle...

Where's the ham Ambush?
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SSC-Indigo


Damn, Fahd's on fire. ::taps a few keys and calls in a complete armada of Black Widows:: Muhahah

Didn't know I had the best of the best SSC on my side, did you?

Plot course, engage subspace drive.

ETA: 5 minutes..

::Even more dramatic music::

Muahahah
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SSC Fahd


Muhahahhahahha,

Don't ever mess with my cheese traps :)

Bridge: Sir we will be in Sol in 1 minute.
Me: Ok prepare the juggernaughts for battle.

:: Both juggernaughts enter Sol ::

:: From behind a large asteroid a large number of craft head towards the
juggernaughts ::

Me: Bridge get me a scan of those vessels
Bridge: Sir there bombers!
Me: What !! I though we only possessed fighting craft.

::Bombers close distance and begin launching Ham covered bombs towards
the juggernaught.

Bridge: Sir we're taking damage!
Me: Call in for any reinforcements available and launch any fighters.
Bridge: Sir we can't launch any fighters they've all been sabotaged.
Me: NO! NO! NO !!!!!!!!

Bridge: "To any allied vessel this is the SJ Sathanas we need immediate
assistance, repeat this is the SJ Sathanas we are under heavy attack we
need assistance."

:: Out of the jump node 20 fighters appear ::

Fighter captain: This the Black Widow squadron ready to assist.
Bridge: Were on Fire !!! Five decks are in flames !!!
Me: Get the fire crews on it, and get my personal transport ready ASAP, as soon as this is over Im going over to the 2nd Juggernaught, its in fighting condition
Bridge: Yes sir! Your transport will have to launch from bay 2, bay 1 is in fire.

:: all bombers are taken out by the black widows ::

:: Fahd gets on board the transport, flys over to the second juggernaught and gets out ::
Bridge: Welcome aboard sir.
Me: Right bring in the secret package :)
Bridge: Yes sir, itll be here in 15 mins
Me: Muhahahahahaha Soon there will be no running Ambush! The meson bomb is an excellent warhead, and I have an Orion full of them just waiting to be used for such emergencys. SOL will soon be cut off from the rest of the universe.
Bridge you are to destroy any vessels that tries to enter or leave SOL via that node, except for Indigo or Renegades vessels.
Two birds will be killed with one stone, Ambush will be trapped here in SOL and Titan will be trapped in Delta Serpentis.

Bridge: Aye, Aye sir!
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SSC-Titan


Back on board the Aggamemnon

Stealth command: Sir transmission intercepted. It's A Communicae from Fahd to Indigo!

Titan : Send it through.

Fahd: ..And I have an Orion full of these babies just for such an emergency. Two birds will be killed with one stone...

Titan: Lieutenant! We've got to alert Ambush! Tell them to immediately jump to the Delta Serpentis system. Abandon any stray crafts that cant make it in the next 5 minutes !

Lieut: Roger that sir, message sent.

::::crackle::::

Ambush: What's going on Titan? I cant abandon my fleet.

Titan: If you don't leave now our campaign against the evil is over! Fahd is trying to separate us by destroying every ship passing through the Sol Delta Serpentis node! Leave before he returns with his weapons.

Ambush: Roger preparing to jump.

On board The Hamcifer

Lieut: Sir...picking up multiple jump signitures, unknown configuration. Ummmm there not ours.

Ambush: well if there not ours who the hell are they ?

Lieut: Sir there coming in fast multiple bogies on intercept There firing! There getting through multiple hull breaches in progress!

Ambush: Make the jump!

Lieut: WE cant jump engines off line!

Ambush: Titan this is Ambush multiple enemy contacts attacking us there using a new type of weapon, help us out here!

Titan: Roger on my way!...Holy ****!What the hell is that?

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:36 pm

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Kon
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SSC-Wild Card


Do not forget the old god relic.... Wild Sh!t.....

Wild Sh!t's fleet join's Titan's and Ambush's armada in hopes of defeating Fahd and Indigo and the Black Widows for control of Sol and Mucho ham!

Wild Card (Aka wild Sh!t): Prepare to attack.... on the count of three..... one, two, th....

(See if anyone knows what comes after this! HA!)
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SSC-Ambush


Me: Titan We Need Reinforcements we can't take anymore hits, you there?? TITAN???
Lieut: We've Lost Communications Sir.
Me: NO!!!
Lieut: Hull at 20% Sir. What should we do?
Me: Tell the Whole Ship to Evacuate, We've only got a few more minutes.
Lieut: Yes sir, Evacuation in Progress 10 more minutes left.
Me: Go Lieut!
Lieut: But Sir Your Not Coming??
Me: I WILL NOT ABANDON MY SHIP!
Lieut: But...
Me: GO! THAT'S AN ORDER!
Lieut: yes sir :(
Me: Bring It ON!

Will The Evacuation go okay? Will The Hamcifer and Ambush Survive?
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SSC-Renegade_R


:::The Redagener fleet warps right in front of the Hamcifer:::

:::Sending transmission:::

Renegade_R: Attention Ambush, the Redagener fleet is geting tired of your delays and waiting. You shall now give us all the remaining ham you have aboard the Hamcifer, or I shall shoot you all down. I have already begun the charge up the lasers and you have little time to decide. Make your choice now, GIVE ME THE HAM!!

:::Closes transmission:::

Lieu R: Renegade...

Renegade_R: Yeah?

Lieu R: We have traced several juggernauts heading towards us, they seem to be after the Ham as well.

Renegade_R: Ok, we shall make sure we get the ham first, once that is done, vaporize the other fleets.

Lieu R: Roger
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SSC Fahd


Muahahahahahahahaha Titan I sent back one of my Sathanas's through the node to the Delta Serpentis side, you shall not pass! :)

Bridge: Sir the Hamicifier is nearly down, shall we continue firing.
Me: Negative, deploy the marines.
Bridge: Roger, five Aeoulas class transports on their way.
Me: They are to board the vessel, capture as much ham as possible. Also I want Ambush ALIVE.

Bridge: Sir we just got something of Renegades fleet.
Me: relay it to my quarters.

"Ok, we shall make sure we get the ham first, once that is done, vapourise the other fleets"

Me: Allies you can never rely on them, good thing I thought of fitting in listning bugs into every allied fleet.
Me: Bridge prepare the fireworks!
Bridge: Sir! Are you sure you want to do that?
Me: Very sure
Bridge: All ready sir.

Direct Communication to Renegade's ship....

Renegade: What do you want now?
Me: Should you make one move to fire upon any other allied fleets, I will press a little harder on a red button, and some pretty fireworks will light up space!
Renegade: You what !!!!
Me: yes I planted explosives aboard your fleet, near the core reactors, cunning wasn't it
Renegade: You shall pay dearly for this Fahd!
Me: When you catch me that is, oh and BTW you should always have a team of people checking your ship for bombs, tut-tut I always prevent those kind of things happening.
Renegade: You people (point to a group of officers on board vessel) find and disable those bombs
Me: Touch the bombs and they go off, there coated with finger print sensors, if anyone except me touches them they go off.
Renegade: Fahd !!!! I'm gonna kill you for this !!!!
Me: Yeah whatever!

:: Closes transmission ::

Me: Bridge where are those transports?
Bridge: Almost there sir.
Me: Good, how long till Indigo arrives in SOL.
Bridge: 120 seconds sir.
Me: That's good, that juggernaught I sent can't hold off titan forever. Is the Orion ready?
Bridge: Hot and waiting. Sir what are you going to do about Wild Card?
Me: If he brings a fleet in, I have another surprise waiting in store.
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SSC-Ambush


::Personal Log::
This will probably be my last entry, the Hamcifer's Hull is down to 5% and the ships have stopped firing at the Hamcifer for some reason. I'm the only person on the ship, the rest are on the dark side of moon sitting helplessly. My weapons are still functional but the enemies are out of range. Most of my power is on the security weapons, they'll be sending marines at anytime now so I have to be ready for a fight.
::End Of Personal Log::
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SSC-Renegade_R


:::Personal Log:::

All of my attempts to capture the ham has been useless, I am now starting to think that my 5 capital ships were not enough. But I wonder what he meant when he planted bombs aboard the Renegade fleet. The Redagener fleet belongs to me, not the Renegades. I still don't understand why the Renegades defected from my fleet, apparently they had their minds set on the ham as well. I'll make sure that the Renegade fleet is prepared for the worse.

:::Closes log:::

:::Send Transmission to Fahd's ship:::

Renegade_R: What is this treachery, planting bombs on former Renegade confederates. Even though some of my own ships have been destroyed, I shall leave you be, I shall go bombard another source of delicious food....

:::Ends Transmission:::
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The Baron


Enter...

the BolognaMaster 5000(R).

--Transmission to Hamcifer--

Me: Hamcifer, prepare to transport all cargo and personnel to the BolognaMaster 5000(R). You will be defended by the BolognaCannon X15(R), meaning that those pathetic ham-wanting humans, Shivans, what have you cannot will never know what hit them. (to bridge officer) Disengage BolognaMasker 800(R), and prepare for docking. The ham will be mine yet.

--End Transmission--

Yum. Ham.

Lieutenant, continue charging the BolognaPulsar 8100(R). If these humans, Shivans, what have you get near us, detonate it....

(Just a note to everyone--every post in this thread should end with something stupid like this, you know, like the little stupid movies back in Ye Olde Days)

Will Ambush abandon the Hamcifer for the BolognaMaster 5000? Will Indigo and Fahd destroy them before it's too late?

And what IS the BolognaPulsar 8100(R)? Will the Baron actually use it?

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The Baron


Ambush, I forgot to mention that I can create BolognaGates, which are like jump nodes, only that they rip a hole in the Bologna-Space-Time continuum...
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SSC-Ambush


Ummmmmm......My Communication Systems r down.
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SSC Fahd


Marines: 4000 M and closing, what the unidentified transport docking with the vessel.

Me: Bridge get me a scan of it.
Bridge: Sir we don't have any record of it in our databases.
Me: Marine fighter cover, disable all remaining live turrets, and under no circumstances are you to use missiles or ordinary lasers, just the disrupters.
Fighter cover: What about the transport.
Me: You have full authorization to destroy it, its obviously hostile, just don't do any damage to the destroyer.
Fighters: Roger that sir, moving in to attack and disable.
Fighters: Sir our weapons are having any effect against the transport!
Me: Get a close scan of it.
Fighters: Yes sir .... It's nothing like anything I've seen before sir.
Me: Damn it! If we can't get the transport of the docking hatch then we can't get the Ham. Marines, you are to use the fighter bay, I want six fighters to go in with them as well just in case..

Bridge: Sir an incoming transmission.
Me: ok let in on.

Renengade R: What is this treachery, planting bombs on former Renegade confederates. Even though some of my own ships have been destroyed, I shall leave you be, I shall go bombard another source of delicious food....
:: closes transmission ::

Me: Send a message back to him saying if any of the fleets ships fire on the allied forces they will be destroyed, he is responsible for his fleet and its personal.

Bridge: Sir out transports and fighters are about to enter the fighter bay.
Me: good tell them they are to seize as much ham as possible, as I want Ambush alive, so under no circumstances are any guns, except stun guns to be used on him. Also tell them to be wary, that docked transport looks dodgy. Also where is Indigo ?
Bridge: Sir he hasn't come yet.
Me: call in the Orion, we can wait no longer for him, Titan is about to overwhelm the juggernaught. Keep me informed of any updates.

Will SSC-Fahd get the Ham, or will Baron stop him. Will Indigo make it to SOL before the node is destroyed. Find out in the next posting of the Ham saga.
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SSC-Titan


Back on board the Aggamemnon

Titan: Status !

Lieut: Juggernaught at 8 percent hull intgrety. Our hull is at 95 percent. Fleet has taken moderate losses.

Titan: Oh well. Continue firing pattern launch any Plasma bombs available at it.

Lieut: Roger.

Then in a glorious eruption of fire and debris the Behemoth dies a slow painful death.

Titan: Great prepare to make jump to Sol! Tell the fleet to stand by though. Send a scouting party of 15 interceptors and 2 assault frigates. Also 5 multi gun corvettes.

Lieut: Roger that Scouting party away. Recieving telemetry.

The Hamicfer at 5 hull integrity, Juggernaught at 98, 2 unknown vessels. One appears to have a marking BolognaMaster5000(R) on it...

Titan: Ok fleet. Prepare to make the jump. Destroyers first then Ion cannon frigates forming a firing ring. Assault Frigates create support fire up the middle lets drive our way through. And Then the real killer Heavy Cruisers. Stand by and Jump 1 minute into the fray.

Lets do it!

what will happen next? Will Titan be victorious? Will Ambush live? What is this mysterious vessel? Find out next time of the Ham Chronicles.
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SSC-Ambush


Well...They have started docking, my lasers are holding them off, not for long.
I must do what is necessary to survive,
::SSC-Ambush takes His HaM and creates a Small Army of Haminators::
They won't get me with out a fight!! Now!!
::Ambush Gives A Briefing to All the Haminators::
Me: The Marines are on bored, At ALL costs. Use ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to keep this ship running and alive. If we fail we lose the HaM, we lose our Lives. It's either this ship blows up or we win and jump for repairs. There is no way they're getting the HaM. Got That??
Haminators: YES SIR!
Me: Dismissed.

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:37 pm

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Kon
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Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:56 pm
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Contact:
The Baron


Me: Lieutenant Giblet, dispatch the BolognaHunters to the Hamcifer. Kill anything and everything.
Lieutenant: Yes sir.
Me: And get Ambush! I WANT HIM ALIVE!
Lieutenant (quivering): Of course, sir... And the BolognaCannon is charged, sir...
Me: Very good, very good. We can charge it further by converting debris from the BolognaHoleGenerators to Bologna! Hurray! So anyways, destroy the Agamemmnon. It's beginning to annoy me. And we might as well destroy Sol with the BolognaCannon while you're at it. Nothing good comes from Sol anyways.
Lieutenant: Now you're talking!
Me: WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME, LIEUTENANT! I AM THE ONE THAT IS GOING TO BE HAPPY HERE! YOU'RE PAID TO BE UNEMOTIONAL!
Lieutenant: But sir, I was just sharing in the mirth!
Me: Well, you can share in it after you're DEAD! (fires a BolognaPistol at him)
Lieutenant: Nooo....!
Me: Well, at least I can have lunch now (chomp chomp).
Will Sol be destroyed by the BolognaCannon? Will the Agamemmnon and all hands really be turned into bologna?

And will Ambush finally be captured by the forces of Bologna, or the forces wanting Ham, or what have you?


(A note: THIS IS GETTING TOO DAMN WEIRD!)

The Baron
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SSC-Indigo


Suddenly, the starry landscape dims to a subtle shadow-like scape, the ships being dwarfed, could it be...?

Indigo's main ship positions itself directly in front of the BolognaMaster 5000, cheese shields raised.

::Opens comm link:: You are in wiolation of treaty, either weave, or face your deeth. (like my Chekov accent? hehe)

Thank you Mister, ::points finger toward ceiling and motions forward like Chang from ST VI::

Suddenly, the dark space fills with a wonderous orange-yellow glow, as the Cheese Cannons on Indigo's ship charge up and release their deadly stream of
CHEEZ WHIZ. Cheeze Whiz cannons whip through the BolognaMaster 5000 like spicy nacho cheese through Homer Simpson!

::Indigo's laughing cynically:: Don't you mess with the Cheese Side... ever! my Cheese-whiz is always better than your stale, crusty bologna like substance! Choose something real for once!

Open a comm to Fahd...

Fahd, you ok? I've arranged support if needed, Fahd, please respond...

Will Fahd Answer? Will Indigo really need more ham to go with his Au gratin potatoes? Tune in tomorrow for the chilling conclusion!

NEVER FREEZE BOLOGNA!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Renegade_R


:::3 Redagener fleet ships warp in to the system Ambush is stationed in:::

:::Opens comlink through a mic and sound is heard through the whole sector:::

Renegade_R: "Many think that I have fled from battle, but I feel that I cannot see former Vasudan allies being vaporized because of the "Star Food Wars". I will help you in your struggle for survival and protection of the ham. I shall send some Omega Repair ships to repair the Hamcifer and we shall be ready for battle."

:::Closes Transmission:::

Lieu R: Sir, we have 500 of our strongest marines and 8 Capital Ships being led by a Colossus War Ship. We also have 400 Fighters waiting in the docking bay. Are you sure you want to do this, cause if we do not win, we would only have enough resources to flee to other systems where we can be safe but also...

Renegade_R: No matter, me and Ambush used to fight together shoulder to shoulder and I would not back out on this. EXECUTE THE COMMAND, SEND THEM ALL IN!!!

Lieu R: Yes sir!!

////////\r

:::Meanwhile on Ambush's Hamcifer:::

Marine 1: Word around here says Renegade_R will use his forces to help us, you want to believe that scum?

Marine 2: I guess we have to, were completely out numbered, no matter how well we fight, were still going to go down. We should be willing to take chances at this point in the Star Food Wars.

Marine 1: Yeah, I'll go tell Ambush...

////////\r

:::Back aboard the GTCL Renegade:::

Marine 254: I don't want to go and help them, what does that lousy commander worth anyways?? It'll be like suicide, I don't know what the heck Renegade is thinking but he seems to be living up to his name and I'm not to happy.

Marine 391: Who cares, we'll be hunted down anyways...

Renegade_R: Attention marines, there are 80 Transports ready in the docking bay, 50 per transport. You are all required to board the gigantic armory freighter, the GTFR Loaded. Be ready in 36 hours, dismissed..........

----------------------
The odds have now become even, will Ambush survive with the help of Renegade, will all the odds of Fahd and Indigo out number them? Who knows.... You'll just have to stay tuned to find out.
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Titan


Back on board the Aggamemnon

Lieut: Sir all crafts report ready.

Titan: Good. Ok here we go. Launch all strike craft. Ion Frigates, engage the enemy. All Crafts engage the enemy. GO GO GO!

:: 5 carriers launch their strike craft.50 interceptors and 50 attack bombers come streaming out the their bellies. Mulitgun corvettes and heavy corvettes attack enemy frigates ::

Titan: All Destroyers attack. Order the main battalion forward put us in front of The Hamcifer. Give them cover while Renegade Repairs the ship.

Lieut: Roger moving us now. Destroyers in position, firing.

Titan: Get all our Salvage corvettes out there. Start commandeering enemy capital ships. And get our repair corvettes repairing us and the Hamcifer. Launch all Support Frigates for repairing strike craft.

5 enemy capital ships of Fahd are captured by the salvage corvettes. Reverse engineered and seized.

Titan: New crafts. Engage The Bologna wreckage.

With Titan covering the aid of Ambush what will happen? Find out in the next installment of the HAM CHRONICLES!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC Fahd


:: Evil Laughter begins ::

Bridge: What are you laughing about sir, Titan has warped in and taken 5 of our destroyers.

Me: Watch the pretty explosions !!!
Bridge: What ???
Me: :: Pulls out a small remote pad & presses a red button ::

:: Suddenly all five destroyer self destruct causing large shockwave which destroys 25% of all Titans fighters in the area. ::

Bridge: Sir how did you ??
Me: Officer don't even ask :) , is the Orion here?
Bridge: Yes it here.
Me: ok no point detonating the node, we are going to find a more useful purpose for it now. Set it on a collision course with Titans capital ship. With all those meson bombs on board, I think it will accomplish our objectives, also scramble the BW's and 30% of our fighters to cover it till impact.

Bridge: Sir renegade is trying to repair the Hamicifier!
Me: Marines have you planted the explosives.
Marines: Yes sir

:: Opens comm link to renegade ::

Me: If you make one move to repair the hamicifier in any way, I will myself detonate the explosives and destroy it. Either me and Indigo get the Ham or no one does.

:: Closes comm link ::

Bridge: Sir you wouldn't !
Me: I can and I will.

Orion is closing 3000 M, 2800 M, 2600 M ...

Will Fahd turn the tables back on Titan and Renegade or will they once again be able to stop his plans. Find out next time!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Indigo


::Indigo Rests his hand on the big ugly red button::

I have an idea too.... open Comm link to Fahd,

"If your idea doesn't work, run like hell, I've got something that'll really show 'em"

::charges weapon::

Will Indigo Make due with his promise? Will Fahd need more SPAM? Find out in the next chilling chapter of "Where the Universe Turns"
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Titan


Back on board the Aggamemnon


Lieut: Sir the Orion is on a direct impact course !!!

Titan: Calm yourself I have taken this all into consideration. You see my dear friend Fahd is bluffing. The shockwave would not only kill us but EVERY thing for miles. Fahd and Indigo and Ren and AMbush as well as us would all be dead. And Indigo.If he fires that weapon .I have explosive charges on board the Orion ship just waiting to be detonated the instant our ship is destroyed. SO.If they have a death wish. Who are we to stop them.

Lieut: Uhhhh.. well sir that is all good and fine but look .... the Orion is still heading towards us!!!

Titan.. ummmm..my...plan...should work...heh...heh...

Will Titan stay true to his word will the Agamemnon survive ??Find out next time in the HAM CHRONICLES!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Renegade_R


Renegade, sitting in his chair, staring off into space observing what shall happen soon if he doesn't do anything. Strangely, he is calm, it almost looks like there is a smile on his face.

::: Door opens :::

Renegade_R: I trust that you have prepared all of our marines and fighters, am I right???

Lieu R: Yes sir, but out ally Titan seems to be inside a little problem...

Renegade_R: What is that???

Lieu R: As you observe here, you can see that the Orion will not try to bomb Titan's ship but instead it will try and ram it...

Renegade_R: And, is that a problem?

Lieu R: Yes, I have estimated that we have only enough fighters and marines to guard either, the Hamcifer's repair, or the rescue of Titan...

Renegade_R: Problem I see....

Commander R: Admiral...

Renegade_R: Yes??

Commander R: Our fleet has arrived and there is only a matter of minutes till Titan's ship is ramed...

Renegade_R: Alright, dispatch 100 fighters and one cap ship to aid the rescue of Titan. The rest of the fleet shall protect the Hamcifer and the Omega Repair ship.

Commander R: Yes Sir!

:::Opens comm link to Fahd and Indigo:::

Renegade_R: You feel that victory would be so close, but I shall not fall that easily. Neither shall my allies. We shall win the "Star Food Wars" even if it is the cost of self...
I must say now, RUN, RUN OR YOU'LL BE WELL DONE!!
/////////\r

Renegade has split his fleet, the odds are now starting to turn again. Who shall come out as the victor, you should just stay tooned and find out...

PostPosted: Sat Sep 23, 2006 9:38 pm

User avatar
Kon
Posts: 1515
Joined: Thu Sep 02, 2004 8:56 pm
Location: USA
Contact:
SSC Fahd


Bridge: errm sir, won't we get hurt from the explosion!
Me: Raise the potato-cheese mesh/shield, that explosion will just bounce off the shield. Where is the Orion ?
Bridge: Sir closing distance, 2000 M, errm where getting a message from renegade R.
Me: Patch it through.

Renegade_R: You feel that victory would be so close, but I shall not fall that easily. Neither shall my allies. We shall win the "Star Food Wars" even if it is the cost of self...
I must say now, RUN, RUN OR YOU'LL BE WELL DONE!!

Me: I believe he has forgotten the explosives, ok everyone get out your sunglasses. Although he has a new capital ship 99% of his fleet will soon be nothing more than dust :)

:: Pulls out control and presses red button ::

Bridge: Count down to explosion, T-Minus, 50, 45, 40, 35, 30, 25, 20, 15, 14, 13, 12, 11, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, 0.

:: Massive explosion lights up the entire sky ::

Bridge: Sir we mourn the loss of life.
Me: yes of course, but they became traitors, a lesson officer, never trust anyone, unless you don't have a choice.
Bridge: Looks like renegade has launched all his fighters and bomber, and an omega class transport.
Me: Orion escort protect the destroyer till the end.
Escort: Yes sir!
Me: Bridge: Get me a direct communication with Renegade.

--------Opens comm link-------

Fahd: You decided to go against us and now you paid the price for it. try anything more and I will direct the main beams of this vessel at your ship.

-------closes comm link------

Renegade: He thinks he destroyed a fleet, he hasn't seen anything yet then. Commander call her in.

Commander R: :: Evil Smile :: But of course sir!

Orion distance closing, 1400 M, 1200 M
Fighting begins to occur above and around the Orion

The battle has shifted back into Fahd's hands but what will Renegade do to turn the tables yet once more?
Will The Orion impact with Titan?
What mysterious weapon does Indigo possess which could turn the odds in a totally new direction?
& How much more metal can possibly fill this area of space?
Find Out next time!

-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Renegade_R


After Renegade's lost of 99% of his known fleet, Fahd thinks that he has won. But as most know, Renegade_R always has one thing on his mind... "I'm will be the last to fall".

Lieu R: Well, that was very exciting.

Renegade_R: Quite

Commander R: 20 minutes till warp in of our newest weapon.

Renegade_R: Have the scientists completed the Node Bombs yet??

Commander R: Yes we have, we have 2 Node Bombs placed within each jump node in the sector. They are powerful enough to recreate what the Shivans did. They have optical sensors so they would explode if attacked or touched for that matter.

Renegade_R: Excellent, and the second weapon...

Commander R: Soon enough, see the triangle formation of planets. Inside the imaginary triangle these planets create is our one and only artificial jump node. The newest weapon would be coming through there.

Renegade_R: I want full security around the node, I don't want a single scratch on this operation.

Commander R: Yes Sir!!

:::Opens comm link to Fahd and Indigo's ships:::

Renegade_R: You destroyed my entire known fleet, but, you have not seen my Specialist Fleet. If you do not leave us be, I shall warp them in, Oh, and unlike what most people say, SIZE DOES MATTER... I should also say to you guys, If you play with fire, you'll get burned.... :::Evil laughter:::

A strange new fleet of Renegade's, a bomb placed inside jump nodes to recreate what the Shivans did? How much more resources does all the fleets have, can this battle keep up much longer? Will Renegade be the first to fall? Find out next time...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Renegade_R


This is a follow up of the last post

:::Aboard the GTCL Renegade Command Ship:::

Renegade_R: Is it ready yet?

Lieu R: No sir, project Leviathan has been delayed and shall arrive late...

Renegade_R: Very well, she better be ready, and the node bombs?

Lieu R: Negative, they have malfunctioned, we no longer have control over them we would only be able to set them off if were 100 meters within their range and that would be suicide...

Renegade_R: Grrrr, very well, Project Leviathan might make up for that loss...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Indigo


((Little does anyone realize, this all takes place 20 years after the FS2 campaign, and Indigo now possesses the technology to create Knossos Warp Portals))

"Hail Fahd's Ship"

"Aye Sir, channel Open"

"Fahd, make way for my ship, we'll show these Ham Hogging punks what real firepower is all about"

---Closes Channel

Me: "Prepare Knossos device for deployment.."
Crew member: "Aye, Knossos is ready"
Me: "Deploy"

The awesome device forms, and the precise calculations are made for the jump out of the system.

Me: "Is the cloaking field in place?"
Crew2:"Aye, it is. No one knows it's there."

Indigo watches Fahd's Ship approach his ship.
Me: "Welcome my friend, I shall now initiate the secret weapon... please head into the Portal at these coordinates"
::Transmits::
Crew2:"He has received over a secure channel on the piggy back of three other channels, no one was able to track the out-of-sequencing of the Potato and Cheese Defense Matrix"

Indigo watches as his plan is unfolding perfectly. Ambush and his cretins have no chance of survival.

Me: "Are the subspace portal devices ready to be activated?"

Crew1:"Yes sir, shuttles deployed. We shall have the other subspace portals destroyed in less than 30 seconds"

Indigo laughs lightly.

Indigo's Secret weapon is ready, but are the Rebels? Indigo's Confederation is all set. Time to end this bloody post, have fun with it!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Fenavian


I still cannot believe this post is still going...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
SSC-Renegade_R


:::Aboard the GTCL Renegade Command ship:::

Lieu R: Project Leviathan is near to ready, shall I warn our enemies of it's arrival?

Renegade_R: Nooo, I want them too see for themselves, the true power of us.

Lieu R: Right

Commander R: Sir, the subspace node is opening, it would take approx. 30 seconds for project Leviathan to come out of the node.

Renegade_R: Very well, PREPARE THE TRANSPORTS!!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------
REN-Leviathan


:::Opens commlink:::

Renegade_R: Wha hahahahahahahha, now you rebelish scum's, Indigo, Fahd, prepare to see the true power of me....

:::Presses several buttons:::

Renegade_R: TIDAL WAVE ATTACK!!!!

:::50 spots on the Leviathan lights up:::

:::Suddenly, space is filled with beautiful explosions of enemy ships:::

Renegade_R: Well now, I have saved Titan and the Hamcifer, WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO NOW??? :::Evil Laughter:::

Renegade has managed to stop a fleet of deadly warships daring to destroy his allies, but, is this new Leviathan ship enough for Indigo and Fahd??? Will Indigo turn out with his new weapon which could put an end to the Leviathan? Stay tooned to find out...

PostPosted: Sat Sep 30, 2006 6:45 pm

User avatar
Ambush
Posts: 489
Joined: Mon Mar 07, 2005 5:37 pm
Location: Canada
Renegade has managed to stop a fleet of deadly warships daring to destroy his allies, but, is this new Leviathan ship enough for Indigo and Fahd??? Will Indigo turn out with his new weapon which could put an end to the Leviathan? Stay tooned to find out...


LOL, what a place for it to just end......

but the end I guess is history :(
"Ambush, You Have deceived us! I'm gonna hunt you and your ship to the ends of the universe!" --SSC-Fahd "Ham Chronicles"

PostPosted: Wed Jan 24, 2007 3:54 am

User avatar
Indigo64
Posts: 164
Joined: Tue Dec 14, 2004 3:38 am
We need to make this into a Machinima using all of the games SSC/X has ever played... :D


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